Bag of Peanuts: My ChunMUN team!

It was in a recent reunion party that I realized how much I miss my school days. On encountering my entire MUN team, I urged them for a hug and we hugged each other in the 'Indian cricket team' format. I resolved to write a post on those good old days, just for a keepsake. 

So, before I proceed it would be helpful to mention that all my MUN teammates are from the southern part of the country and therefore have the most unpronounceable names on the earth. The irony is that they do not wish to be recognised by their south-Indian names but being a veritable blogger I have pledged to reveal their real names and show the derivation of their alias. They are (drumrolls):

1) Nandwati Menon Kocharriputtam (alias: Nandita Kochar)

2) Shubhraman Kumaran Gulpaati (alias: Shubhit Kumar Gulati)

3) Ayushmswami Warihastam Tirupuchi (alias: Ayush Tiwari)

1)Nandwati Menon Kochariputtam

Derivation

How can I forget the trip to the Indian Institute of Management, Ahmedabad for Duke University's month long academic program? It was only then that I was smitten by Nandwati's verbosity and her mind boggling ability to co-relate herself with the protagonists of the movies. I fondly recall an instance when me, Nandwati, my father, Parth, Parth's father and Amith P(also a south-Indian) were travelling by train from Delhi to Ahmedabad to reach the coveted institute. Since there were two fathers in the rail cabin, it was not possible to talk about the obscene matters and the journey was becoming rather dull so we decided to play 'Dumb Charades'. Teams- me, my father and Parth on one side and the rest on the other. The game got us involved and now, it was Nandwati's turn to give a movie to Parth(from our team).

"पेटीकोट में धमाका", she whispered unapologetically in Parth's ear.

Fortunately, Parth neither had the courage nor the acting clues to convey the name of the horrendous movie.

Have you ever been to a recording studio? There are, by default, two rooms- one for the sound director and the other for the singer/orator. The rooms are separated by a thick glass across which, no sound can travel. The conversation between the two is done via the mic. system where the director speaks and the orator recieves it in the head phones or the orator speaks and all the people in the director's room hear it from the big speakers in the room. I had the opportunity to go to the recording studio along with Nandwati and few others. We were given our parts to recite, Nandwati being first in the line. All of us waited for our turn in the director’s room. I guess there was some problem with Nandwati’s headphone because she could not hear what director was speaking but the director (and all of us) could hear everything that Nandwati was speaking. Interestingly, technologically challenged Nandwati thought that because she cannot hear the director, the director can also not hear her and so, out of frustration she shouted “अबे क्या कह रहा बे बूढ़े?” 

She was loud enough to create an impression on the director's ear and his mid-40's ego but the director chose to ignore it. However, Nandwati continued (humming this time) "बूढ़े बाबा क्या भौंक रहे हो?" We were laughing uncontrollably and as a consequence, the director got up, banged the table and went into the recording room where Nandwati was standing clueless. The director scolded her with all his might but unfazed by the scolding, Nandwati came out and laughed incessantly.

Nandwati is an overachiever of sorts. She has done everything from distributing Oreo with white toothpaste to accosting Sheila Dikshit on female safety in Miranda House. She has filled her mother with pride by securing a seat in the Lady Shri Ram College for Women and an appreciation letter from Smt. Smriti Irani, the union HRD minister. Atyachari Ladaku wishes her luck for future endeavors.

Jaate Jaate Arz Hai!

Audi में जा रहा था

but रुकना पड़ा on red light

खिड़की के बाहर देखा तो कर रहे थे urchins fight

किन्तु एक लड़की ऐसी, जो बेच रही थी कागज़ का खिलौना

लड़की में दिखा मुझे एक motto

तभी शिक्षा नीचे कर, खींची मैंने उसकी ये फोटो

2) Shubhraman Kumaran Gulpaati

Derivation

Arz hai!

सुब्हे उठते हैं तो पॉटी नहीं आती
सुब्हे उठते हैं तो पॉटी नहीं आती
नाम हैं इनका शुभित गुलाटी

Me and Shubhraman share an interesting history and background. Both our mothers work in the same hospital as senior staff nurses and it turns out that both of us were born in the same hospital, on the same bed number but on different dates of course. Shubhraman has always been the most creative of all in the entire school. His arguments in discussions, acting in plays, policies in resolution and knowledge of the tech world has always been praised by many a people. But his only weakness lies in trusting others. Shubhraman is always tricked by life even in the simplest of circumstances. For instance, this is how a Nirulas Aunty tricked him:-

Nirulas is a place usually for the white collar, with it's overpriced menu. But it has something for college students too-The Flavor of the Month Ice Cream. It is that one chance for broke students to enjoy 69 rupees ice-creams for just 10 bucks per scoop. So, like a bad-ass, he decided to treat us to 2 scoops of chocolate ice cream( which was the flavor of month at that time). Because it was just 9am, the place was not ready. The janitors were at work and he had to ask the Nirulas Aunty to take his order even though the billing machine was not set up. He went to the counter to place his order, 

" Hi! can I get 3, 2 scoops of chocolate?"

Nirulas Aunty replied, " Haanji?"

Obviously if someone says two numbers together, the other person might be puzzled. So he repeated the question but in a different manner this time.

"I want to have 3 double scoops of chocolate."

And after his order was confirmed (without the bill), he came back to us and sat down with a smug look on his face. After all, he had just ordered 6 servings of ice-cream for just 60 rupees! Or so he thought! Once the order came and he took the freshly printed bill, he realized what some lame named menu items could do. 

It turned out that they had a 'Double Scoop Chocolate' on the menu worth 150 rupees! So a possible 60 became a 500 (Yes taxes too!)

Shubhraman holding the cancer stick carved out of a class chalk.

This is only a fraction of problem he has to face in his life. On another occasion, he found jaggery (गुड़) in a sealed packet of Parmesan Cheese.

On another horrendous occasion, he woke up at 9 in the morning only to discover that his beard had been trimmed while he was slumbering; by none other than his own elder brother!

Talking of beards, Shubhraman cannot imagine his life without a dense, bushy beard. His beard even has some magical powers, of which little is known to me, scientists and world at large. His beard turns burgundy if not trimmed for a month and starts lactating, releasing Double Toned milk in the process.

Shubhraman's beard lactates double toned milk!

There may be many other powers that his beard possesses but this one, for sure, reduces his family's monthly expenditure of milk! As for the hair on the rest of his body, I reckon he loves it as much as his beard. I have a reason for my deduction- He gets red rashes in his groin region if he is made to walk over long distances in summer season.

In spite of all the challenges he faces, he has worked unflinchingly towards improving his acting skills which earned him many accolades including 'The Best Actor' award on multiple occasions. He was even awarded the 'True Tagorean' award and his greatest achievement of all is co-founding Atyachari Ladaku, a blog and a Youtube channel. On behalf of Atyachari Ladaku, I pray to The Almighty to help him overcome the trust deficit his life has created for him. Amen!

3)Ayushmswami Warihastam Tirupuchi

Derivation

Arz Hai!

वैष्णो देवी में जय माता दी,
वृन्दावन में बांके बिहारी,
ये सब बकवास मत करो
इन फ्रंट ऑफ़ आयूष तिवारी

Ayushmswami is a self proclaimed atheist. His arguments against those who believe in a divine being are rational, logical and extremely appealing. Ayusmswami has had a considerable influence on me after I abandoned the religion of Buddhism and became an atheist. Any connoisseur of reasoning is sure to be moved by his arguments. Before I proceed, it would be apt to mention that Ayushmswami is on a high dose of books. His favorite authors being Noam Chomsky, Christopher Hitchens and Dr. Shashi Tharoor, among others.

This is only a fraction of books Ayushmswamy reads.

Ayushmswami is a liberal and ridicules the idea of right wing Indian politics. But, there is one aspect on which his mindset converges with those of the right wing politicians- Kamasutra or the Indian art of mating. Not long back, he sent me this image.  

A book on Kamasutra.

  

He advocates the Indian style of coupling which says that the fellatio(slang:BJ) is for the eunuchs and this has time and again caused an altercation between us. As an avid supporter of the fellatio, I have always maintained that the Kamasutra has not been able to move along with time which infuriates him and the situation has worsened to a point that he now considers ME an eunuch. On a lighter note, I believe that Ayushmswami has been the closest to my mind and heart. I fondly remember when we used to arrive school in the morning and start our day with discussions on puberty changes, politics and physics. He was the one to conceptualize the ad-act of Shanti House for which he received the Best Actor award and I received a kick on my arse after which I had to fall down in the well.

Me and Ayushmswamy during a street play.

Another instance that I fondly remember is the closing ceremony of MUNQSMUN where me, Shubhraman and Ayushmswami were calmly sitting around a table. Shubhraman borrowed Ayumswami's phone, opened up the facebook app. and found out that Ayushmswami was already logged in! Using his mischievous mind, Shubhraman typed an erotic proposal and sent it to ALL the junior girls in the school! He gave back the phone and was laughing to himself. On the next day when we reached school and the annual day preparations were on, all the junior girls were looking at Ayushmswami, giving the same amateur smile that a virgin wife gives, to his non-virgin husband on a सुहागरात ! I remember laughing so hard at this that later when I went up the stage to compere the show, my speech went, " I would now like to invite the principal HAHAHA Ms. Suman Nath to deliver the HAHAHA vote of thanks"

I have always discovered new ideas, new words, new perspective and a strong reasoning while talking to Ayushmswami. He is a source of constant inspiration for me. On behalf of Atyachari Ladaku, I pray that he soon gets someone to try his Kamasutrian knowledge.

Play conceptualized by Ayushmswamy. This day was the happiest day of our school life. Ayushmswamy is seen posing as a rabbit whereas Shubhraman as a attractive blonde.

I am confident that me and my MUN teammates shall be friends for life irrespective of our geographical location. I wish all three of them- Nandita, Shubhit and Ayush loads of luck for their ambitions in life.